I'm a late bloomer. Could someone clue me in on life a bit sooner please? Anyone? K... Thanks!

Okay, now that that's out of the way.. MuteMath and Mae tomorrow evening. Am I stoked? Yes I am! Why? Well, I'll let Joshua tell you why. Click here.

To all that have had a rough day, Lauren Rochelle, Kacey, Jason, Sarah Taylor, James, etc... I'm praying for you guys! Keep strong and keep pressing on! God is good and he will bless you! He is that which is nothing greater.

I can't help but be bugged. Forgive me. And please don't get me wrong by my saying what I'm about to say. I still love the people that are into this type of lifestyle, but in no way can I support it.

Ok, to those who underage drink, smoke, have sex before marriage, settle for abusive relationships because "well, at least he says he loves me," drink to get drunk or get a "buzz," do drugs, who cuss on a regular basis, etc.. my question is this: Why? What are you to do with your future when it comes knocking on your door? Guys, it's going to knock... You'd better get ready.

I think my greatest fear and one of the biggest reasons why I have chosen to stay away from the stuff I mentioned is because I'm going to be a father. No, not now and probably not anytime in the near future will I be, but I don't want to be the reason why my son or daughter hates life or follows in paths that I don't want them to go on.

Ladies, you're going to be mothers. I know that thought blows you away, but it's true. Your bodies are going to hold not only your life, but the life of the child(ren) inside of you. You bestow one of the greatest blessings ever. Ladies, you're also going to be wives. You're going to be the lover of your husband and he of you.

Gentlemen, you're going to be fathers and husbands. Your children are going to look up to you because you are in fact the head of the household, and your wives are going to love you and you will love them.

But where am I going with this? Here, my friends... You're endangering yourself in pretty much every way possible by falling into these stupid things that just seem "cool" or make you feel "good." You're being stupid. You're going to wake up just a few years down the road and look around seeing yourself in a small little place, working 3 jobs, trying to feed your mouth as well as your kid's mouth, and you'll be alone. Your significant other isn't going to stick around with a "goal-less, un self-disciplined has been." You're not going to be the role model to your kids that you wanted or hoped for. Your kids will be more likely to follow down your same rabbit hole.

Guys, wake up. Put away your foolishness! To those who drink (irresponsibly), do drugs, or smoke, I want you to know that you are only settling for temporary satisfaction. You are wasting your time and your bodies on things that will surely kill you one day. It's been proven that that stuff ages you almost twice as fast. That right there.. The image of a 27yr old looking like he/she is 54 is horrible and it's not attractive at all. Also, another thing.. Who do you think you're going to attract with those stupid habits of yours? The only people who are going to be attracted to you are either a. the people who are involved in the same stuff you are or b. the very very few who can see beyond your foolish nature and see what's really beautiful. And let it be known, "b" is a very rare type of person.

To those who are in abusive relationships, "why?" Why are you there? Don't you know that there is so much more waiting for you than pain? Love doesn't find new ways to bring you down, it doesn't seek to cause pain. To the guys who take the verbal abuse, you don't need to. If she can't love you enough to show it, then I can guarantee that there is someone far better out there for you. To the ladies who take both verbal and physical abuse, you also don't need to. I wish you would wait for him. Wait for the guy that will truly love you. He will be the guy that will hold you and cherish you just for being who you are. He won't expect you to be perfect and he won't expect you to be someone else. You are who God has made you to be and if he truly loves you, he will see that.

To those who are involved in premarital sex, don't you know that God can't bless your relationship and he definitely can't bless the sex. I've been told by many who have experienced both sex before marriage and sex after marriage that sex after marriage is so much better and it is worth the wait. These are people who had sex either before Christ entered their lives or after and they just fell. But by making the commitment to themselves, God, and their future wives and deciding to steer away from sex until marriage, God was able to take the gift he gave and truly bless it. Guys, God isn't lame and he doesn't want to hold back on any blessing from you, but sometimes you just do things your own way and he has no choice. After all, God CREATED sex. It's supposed to be the biggest blessing (other than Christ) to people here on earth. So, be patient and let God be the center of your relationship. It will be so much more beautiful. Keep waiting.

And to you who cuss all the time w/o thought.. Get real. Again, I direct you to the whole "you're an influence." and "the other sex won't be attracted to that unless they do it as well." statements. Your kids will follow your traits, the traits of their parents. Don't lead them away. It can offend, you know this, yet you let your tongue be loose and thus make it extremely difficult to find a date to go anywhere with much less make it extremely difficult to be a witness to the unbeliever.

I love how King Solomon talks about chasing after things which would seem to satisfy us, but in all reality, they just make us more lonely. Basically in Ecclesiastes 2, it talks about pleasures and how King Solomon decided to do literally everything in the world to pleasure himself and eventually came up with this, "I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. my heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun." Guys, this dude drank, built huge mansions and parks, he bought slaves, had tons and tons of wives (about a thousand,) he lived in great wealth, and anything else he wanted he took part in, but he concluded that it's all meaningless apart from knowing God. "Remember your Creator in the days of your, youth before the days of trouble come and the years approach..' (Ecclesiastes 12:1a)

You're not the only one whose life will be affected by the choices you make. Choose wisely and remember that if you're living for yourself only then you're going to fall. Live for others and more importantly, live for Christ! Be God's!

So, where do I begin? Let's start with last Friday, shall we?

Friday night: I met up with James Corona and some other crazy cats at Cinemark in the Woodlands. We walked around some, talked some, and then I left. Yeah... I went to a movie theatre and didn't see a movie. I'm lame.

Saturday: I met Lyn at Kings Cafe in Montgomery at about 10:00am. We then drove about an hour and 45 minutes to a small town called Wheelock (population like 20 and they are all elderly folk), stopped at what looked to be a vacant town hall, sat on the porch and enjoyed our lunch. Needless to say, it wasn't as simple as that. When we first sad down, this dog named "Penny" came running from across the street and kept us company while we ate. As we had this little picnic, all these elderly people driving by would wave at us. "Aww.. How cute!," we thought. Well, I do believe that one lady drove by like 3 times and some guy drove by like twice. Lyn and I decided that we gave them hope and a surprise. They were probably expecting teens to party and booze it up and here we were dressed in pleasant attire, sitting on their town hall's porch, and having a picnic! How cool, right? Awww! You can see photos here.

Saturday Evening: I met up with Sarah Dossey, her oh too awesome boyfriend and friend of mine - Preston, Mallory, Stephanie, and a few other jokers at Carrie's Coffee Mill in Conroe. Much time passed and many were sufficiently rocked by Sarah's amazing song-writing skills. Man, she is so good! I swear, man, every time I see her play, she's like gotten 100% better than the time before! Yep.. She pretty much rocks, man! So, go check out that mad cat at www.sarahdossey.com. Yeah, after that jam fest of Carrie's, we all went to Bennigan's where we chilled even more. It was truly an amazing evening!

Sunday: Woke up, went to Crosspoint Community Church, chatted with Kevin a bit afterwards, then went home and helped my folks out for the rest of the day.

Monday: Woke up, worked, went college bible study at Tomball College, went home, slept.

Tuesday: I had lunch with Kevin, went to work, went to Neil's and Eden sufficiently rocked! It's going to be interesting to see how things play out, man! I'm excited to see how God's going to use Eden.

Big complaint: I am spending well over $200/mo. of my own money feeding my step-mom's dogs in Montgomery because she things they are "guarding the place." Just another reason why I wouldn't mind moving out.

So, other than that nonsense.. um.. I don't really have anything of value to talk about. Oh, wait! Stop everything! Last Wednesday, Catie and I chilled at Starbux. Yep! Ok.. NOW I'm finished! ;)

By the way, listen to The Early November since it is November now...

I'm liking this week so far. Monday, got to chill with the Crowder and Seay bands and then was later sufficiently rocked by both as well as Shane & Shane. Tuesday hasn't been a bad day. Tomorrow evening will hopefully see some hanging out and loads of talking with da Houser. The rest of the week has yet to be written, but hopefully it will keep going well! Praise God, man.. I'm breathing air! Don't forget that you, too, are blessed. You are breathing air.

I decided Saturday on the way to work that I wanted to grow old with someone and that when we were like 60 or 70, we'd still do what we loved doing as teens, just going out on a beautiful, sunny Saturday and just drive hand in hand listening to MAE. That would be the coolest thing in the world!

So, I don't know who posted this, but this was about the "words in context" post. this is what it said:
.... says...

its just rationalizing. you've changed.
Monday, Oct. 10, 2005 @ 10:22pm

... Now, I really want to thank you for that comment. I don't know who you are and you obviously don't want to be known, and hey.. That's fine and dandy. REALLY, it doesn't bother me at all.

Chances are you're never going to talk to me or read this journal again, and that's fine, but if you do, I would highly recommend that you read my posts since "words in context." I'm sorry that you feel that I have changed and I'm sorry that I have wronged you, but indeed, change is how you perceive things. It's people like you who make me glad to be who I am. You don't take the time to get to know me and you don't take the time to really read more into things and thus you throw around judgement based on your own outlook.

What you offered when posting that comment was no respect or understanding. That's something you just can't do.

We have nothing if we don't have respect for one another.
We have nothing if we don't first put ourselves in the other man's shoes.

.. And again, please read my previous posts, especially the one below. Thanks!

I'm going on like 4 hours of sleep. I spoke on grace @ FCA this morning. Sadly, I think this will be the last time I go to FCA for a while. Sorry all you MHS guys. I will miss you all. It's nothing personal, it's just I'm graduated and I'm really the only one not in HS that goes there. So, my time has ended.

So, I'm really struggling mentally with a lot of things. It's all more or less grace related with the exception of a couple of other issues in my life. I was reading yesterday and it was brought to my attention that we as a culture or maybe just as a church don't accept things like homosexuality and prostitution, yet we openly accept the divorced, the chain smokers, the drunks, the easily angered, etc. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but Jesus was pretty stinking plain and clear about divorce. Was he not? It's wrong unless it's due to abuse, and even then he never said we could get remarried. So, if half the U.S. is "living in sin" because they are divorced and remarried, what's the difference with a homosexual couple? Homosexuals are said to be "living in sin" and we keep to that. Churches shun them, but they don't shun the divorced.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not justifying anything. It's all sin. However, why is it that the church is no longer a refuge to the people who probably need it more than the rest of us? The prostitute ran to Jesus and fell down and took hold of his leg, yet nowadays prostitutes feel ashamed all the more in going to church. I don't know about you guys, but that's pretty jacked. Jesus showed grace and mercy and he was the refuge of the world, but churches are no longer the refuge of the world. People are more ashamed to go there. Christ accepts you as you are. Our churches no longer seem to do that. It seems you have to fit a certain criteria or if you don't, you're expected to change right then and there.

Dude, Jesus knew that the guy on the cross beside him accepted him out of fear, but Christ said, "Today you will live with me in paradise!" The dude had no time to do any good. He had no time to prove himself or to change his ways.

I think that it's sad when you ask anyone what it takes to get to heaven, the answer is almost always, "Be good!" You couldn't be more wrong. Try "Be God's!" or "Accept Christ as your saviour." Dude, God is all about grace. Go read John 3:16 AND 17 and try and tell me otherwise.

I was definitely going to write on how crappy my life is and give you a nice woe-is-me entry, but screw that.

Guys, please go love. Talk to the homeless, the abusers, the homosexuals, the prostitutes, the mass murderers, the crack addicts, the sex addicts, the lonely, the widowed, the oppressed, the hopeless, etc. They are us and we are them. We're all sinners. Go love them. Buy them dinner or something and just talk. There is no need for condemnation. There is a need for love. Go out and spread the word of God. Go love.

... Why gay marriage is wrong. I don't need to see this walking down a street.. EVER!

On average, I hate the male species. Why God created us, I don't know. Without men, the earth would be way cleaner and way more pretty. Oh! And it would smell so much better! Men, all we care about is dominance and we don't care what we destroy to get our "titles."

Ok, to the situation at hand. My fellow dot comrade, Samie, posted a new picture on myspace and while she seriously looked quite attractive, some moron decided to comment saying, "holy f-ing crap dude i would so fuck you in a heartbeat!"

Dear comment poster,
Are you freaking kidding me? Seriously, are you crazy? You're presented a picture of a beautiful person and you automatically want to screw her? Hey, my dad has a nail gun. I could nail you! I'd aim for that place where sun doesn't shine. I'd take you back to the 1600s and put you in a boys chorus. You know what they did to the boys at the age of 12? Castration, baby! You're the reason why guys like me have way more girlfriends than guy friends. Guys like you make me just want to ring your little necks.

So, I'll tell you what.. Read this.
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- for we are members of his body."(Eph 5:25-30 NIV)

Another friend/dot comrade of mine is Lori. Lori is an ex-porn model and like people still can't get over that history. They still see her as this porn model. Guys will email her and all this stuff asking all sorts of sick stuff. GET FREAKING REAL! THERE IS MORE TO LIFE, MORE TO LOVE, MORE TO GOD THAN JUST YOUR LOWER BODY PART!

Sorry for venting, but man, LOVE! It's all we have in this world. When we die, it's the only thing we're taking with us. We hurt so many people by not loving and we don't care. Guys, it costs some people their lives. Wake up, please! This is a call! WAKE UP! Christ didn't die for us to live carelessly. He died, showing the ultimate sign of love, so that not only could we live with him forever instead of burning, but also to spread that love to others.

So, I am MySpace. No. I am Zach McNair who is on MySpace too much. I was commenting on a friend's page and I ran across a comment from a chick who just passed away. It's interesting, goodbyes... You never know when the last one will be. Well, at least in most cases.

This chick, Jessica, passed away by her own means (which is the nice way of saying she committed suicide) last week, and while the news of that hit me, the thing that hit me harder was the fact that people were still commenting on her myspace thing leaving goodbyes and asking why she had to die. Hmm.. Did I know Jessica? Nope. I saw her in the hallways and in FCA when she dropped by, but I never once talked to her.

Guys, like Jessica and like us, there are tons of people who hide things. For Jessica, she hid her pain. For us, we hide our love for people. Jessica didn't let a soul know what was going on in her head and thus no one thought anything of her life. So, if you're stuggling with life, let someone know PLEASE! And in our case, man, we need to step out of our little safe boxes and love people regardless of our feelings torward that person. There's a song called "Don't Hold Back (Full On)" by The Normals and in that song, Andrew Osenga basically states that the church ought to be known as people who are loving and people who are kind. We're not meant to be known as people who are held up on our computers or in our TV shows. Guys, we're supposed to go out and love people and let them know that we love them. Say "I love you!" It's ok! If they think you're weird, that's ok.

So, I wrote another writing. Go check it out in my "writings" section.

I had to drive into Montgomery on Saturday afternoon to feed the two dogs and as I was driving back, I couldn't help but take notice that both in Montgomery and in Magnolia there are two small Black communities. Now, I've driven by these small communites for months now and I guess it never hit me, but man, they have stories. We all have stories.

In case you were not aware, Saturday was the day the hurricane, Rita, hit. Anyway, I was driving by and almost every house I passed by in these small communites had people sitting in chairs on their porches. They seem to do this daily and I just have never thought anything of it 'til now. Anyway, I couldn't help but think about what those people have to offer. Like, maybe they're just sitting on their porches waiting for someone to drop by and talk to them? Yeah, I don't know, but I'm pretty sure that coming soon I'm going to go down 149 during the day and I'm going to stop at someone's house and just say hi and maybe converse a little. You know.. Show a little love?

Oh, and Josh Cook spent the night last night. He left a journal entry for you guys. Please read it (it's the entry below this one) and give him some comments! He loves you.

I'm so depressed. I'm a loser and i'll never live up to zach mcnair. If you didn't know already this loser's name is Josh Cook. Right now I am in the presence of the one and only zach mcnair. There may be others around the world with that name but they don't matter like this one. Cause this one is my friend. He's so cute, he's right beside me playing the guitar working on his "triple stum." He's already gotten since i've been here. I guess he just needed to feel my presence surrounding him. Well I hope all of ya'll have a wonderful day. You should stop by his house sometime and type a journal entry. Then you'll be just like the wonderful Josh Cook. I love you. BYE!

I hate Mapquest & Google maps & Yahoo maps & all other online map things. They suck! So, I decided late last night that I would surprise Chris and Jeanna Vance (see my flickr page) and go to their church, right? Their church is like an hour from my house. I go into Houston and the directions tell me to take an exit that doesn't exist. POO! Ok.. So, I make it to the church about 5 minutes after it starts (not too bad for going 20 minutes out of the way.) Well, I go in, sit down, worship, whatever.. No Chris and Jeanna to surprise. POO! Well, my cousin, Micah's, ex-girlfriend, Jaime, goes there. I had no clue. So she was like, "Hey! I haven't seen you in a long time! Why don't you sit with me?" So, I did. All is well. Church is over. I leave. Call Chris and leave a message saying that I was at the Vineyard and he wasn't. He missed out. After that I take an alternate route home and since office is on the way to my house, I figured I'd stop by just to check my email. I did. I went home shortly there after. Celebrated my step-sister, Sarah's, birthday. Now I'm here. Bored. That is all. Sorry for my bunch of non-sense and poorly executed grammar skills, good and faithful reader.

So, tomorrow.. Emery & As Cities Burn with Andrew Gay. Yes. I'm excited.

Ok, I'm way behind the times here. My friend, Josh Cook, turned me on to Hilary Duff recently. I thought she was a nice teenie bopper actress and a nice teenie bopper musician and that now that I have grown past my Lizzy McGuire loving days that I'd never have much to do with Hilary Duff, but I was wrong.

Her new cd, "Most Wanted" is quite good. So, Josh, thanks for hooking me up with some good tunes!

Many of you have asked what my story with Hilary Duff is. My story is this:
March of 2002, Ed Veiseh called me up and was like, "Hey man. I need you to DJ a skate show that I'm doing for the Houston Children's Festival." I said yes. Well, where our show was setup was right next to where Hilary Duff had a stand where little kids were getting autographs. The whole day I walked by her stand and wished that I was as cool as those little kids so I could go say "hi." I don't think I regretted that moment until just recently. Oh well, such is life.

Sorry for being random and sorry for posting four times in one day. You know you hate it.

Yes. Four years.

Theology. It's brought back. Enjoy.

What is safe? We talk about it thinking that we know safety. We go around walking day to day thinking that we're of an elite force. "The Untouchables," they call us. Little do we or they know that we're at the hands of a jealous god. Our god is the only god that has that right for the simple fact that he IS God.

So, what's "safe"? Is there such a thing? Safety: A condition of being protected from or unlikely to cause harm. I don't know about you, but I think safety only goes so far. End all, we're never safe. We're not sure of jack. We could walk out our front doors and the ground that we walk on could cave in to the core. We walk out, world caves in, and we're melted instantly by the core of the earth. We could drive on the freeway and some elderly woman might have a heart attack in front of you and as you try to pass her, she swerves violently to the right and sends you flying across the other lanes of traffic in which you get hit again and again by people driving 80mph or more. You could plug in your electric guitar and get shocked by some freak surge of power.

We're never safe, guys. I'm sure I have said it before, but there's a story by C.S. Lewis called "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe." In that story, there is a king named Aslan who happens to be this massive lion. There is a scene where these kids inquire about the king asking, "Is he safe?" The reply goes something like, "No! No, he's not safe! He's dangerous! He's ferocious! He could tear you apart without flinching! BUT he IS kind." Guys, God is that way. In no way is he safe. He has the power to do anything he wants, but he is a gracious and loving god, and by that I am blessed.

But guys, I can't help but think of all the small reminders he gives us of that power. Today is 9-11. A day that is etched in the minds of all for years to come. Why did it happen? Was it just a random turn of events? I don't really think so. All throughout the bible, you see that God gave warning after warning to a wandering people, but they didn't care at all. They were his people, his holy nation, and they didn't care and they lost sight of God. Today, his people, his church, his holy nation (not just talking about America) is suffering because of our complacent hearts. Our cold hearts that think of God only in times of what we consider "times of need." We're morons. We're always in need of God. If I could wake up and be in that mind set, that would be it! I need nothing but God. There is a song by Thrice that happens to be one of the most convicting songs for Christians, yet there are quite a few people who don't even know of Thrice, but more so, there are Christians who fall away from reading the bible that also gives warnings. Anyway, here it is, "Cold Cash and Colder Hearts."

They are sick, they are poor
And they die by the thousands and we look away
They are wolves at the door
And they're not gonna move us or get in our way

'Cause we don't have the time
Here at the top of the world
Feeling alright
Here at the top of the world

We hold our own by keeping our hearts cold

Different god, darker skin
They are just not a burden that we'd like to bear
They are living in "sin"
There are so many reasons for us not to care

But I'm feeling alright
Here at the top of the world
Doing just fine
Here at the top of the world

We've learned money matters most
So we keep our cards held close
Here at the top of the world

We hold our own by keeping our hearts cold
And we've learned what matters most
So we keep our hearts cold

They are no one
They are nowhere
They are not our problem
Not worth saving
Nonexistent if we keep our hearts cold

Yeah. Wake up call. We get caught up in our sick, sad little world that we don't even take the time to step back and see the bigger picture. 9-11 was four years ago. Katrina was just days ago. We have time to do something big. We have time to love. Put away your cold cash and colder hearts. People don't need those. People need love. A man who dies rich, but without love is a man who dies unhappy and poor, but a man who dies having nothing but love is a man who dies happy and of the richest in the land! So, even if you can't help with the Katrina deal or whatever, still take the time to go outside and show some love to someone, anyone.. I guarantee that they will not be expecting it, but they will be greatly pleased. Use that opportunity as an opportunity of witnessing. If God is love, and we are to show love, then share the good news!

That's all. Thanks.

I've been thinking the last couple of days that words we use are often used out of context. And in terms of Christianity, words that we have declared as "unholy" or "unclean" are many times not at all! And after talking to Andrew and Neil about it today, I'm going to go through some of the common cuss words and I'm going to show you how some shouldn't be used and some shouldn't sway either way, and some should or could.

Alright.. Where to start.
Ass - A donkey. Jesus rode an ass. An ass was a mode of transportation then. Now we call asses donkeys. Male donkeys were Jackasses. So, if called this, it means you're strong, powerful, and you can move stuff when others can't. Good job.
Bitch - A female dog. That's it. Some how it has become degrading. It's an animal and a female one at that. When called this, you're able to produce offspring. Be proud. Procreation is a beautiful thing.
Bastard - Offspring of an unmarried couple. Well, the fact that they were unmarried when they had you doesn't make it right for you to follow through, but in no way is being called a bastard a bad thing. It's just a word that states the fact.
Damn - There really is no real right way to use this except in it's full context, condemnation. Condemnation is spoken of in the bible. Condemnation is only able to be done by God. Thusly, we have no right in condemning someone or something.
F.U.C.K. - Fornication Under Consent of King. It dates back to the 1300's when a married couple had to get consent from the king to procreate. So, every time you use that word, you really are just giving a history lesson because there is no need for a F.U.C.K. decree anymore. We live in times more free. So, how is fuck bad? Beats me!
Shit- Feces. That's it. Crap, feces, doo doo, poo.. It's all the same thing. How is that bad and the others aren't? I have no clue.
Suck - To inhale profusely. You can say something stinks but you can't say it sucks? Give me a break.

I'm sure there's a whole list of other words that we use or others use and we find ourselves shunning because they are "bad." Rest assured, I use one or two of those words regularly, and maybe another one when I'm really frustrated, but this needless censoring is really annoying to me. Send all hate mail to
yousuck [at] learningtobreathe.com. Thank you and goodnight.

On the way to work, this white Ford Expedition tailed me for like a mile and then pulled up to me at a stop light, rolled down its window and this woman who looked like she could be my mom if she was pregnant at like 16 shouted out, "Hey! You have great hair! Don't ever cut your hair! You're gorgeous!" Well, initially I brushed it off and just turned up Hoobastank and drove, right? Well, she insisted on trying to talk to me going 60mph on the feeder. Crazy lady. Thank God for freeways.. REALLY! I high tailed on the freeway and she stayed on the feeder and that was that.

Dear half-witted driver of the white Expedition,
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? Dude, no offense, but I wouldn't be attracted to you if I was paid to and by you shouting that out your window just made you look desperate. I don't dig desperate woman. Not to mention you're probably close to like 35 or so.. I just don't flow that way. Ya feel me? Good. Pardon me for being rude, but please just drive. Thank you and good day.

My friend, Lee Godbold, hooked me up with a book last night and it quotes, "Author Tony Campolo, who makes a regular circuit as a chapel speaker on Christian college campuses, for a time used this provocation to make a point. 'The United Nations reports that over ten thousand people starve to death each day, and most of you don't give a shit. However, what is even more tragic is that most of you are more concerned about the fact that I just said a bad word than you are about the fact that ten thousand people are going to die today.' The responses proved his point: in nearly every case Tony got a letter from the chaplain or president of the college protesting his foul language. The letters never mentioned world hunger."

Guys, in light of the Katrina events.. I want to encourage you to do whatever you can to go out and help. Even if it's trekking to Houston just to talk to some of the adults and play with their kids, that's more than enough. Show so love and stop caring about meaningless crap.

That's all.
Z

I would say, and it would bug many of you, but I would say that Ben Gibbard is one of the best songwriters out there. I bought DCFC's new cd, "PLANS" and it is nothing short of amazing. It has definitely made the last couple of days more enjoyable. Oh, and if you buy it, buy it off of iTunes... You'll get a free song plus some video stuff too!

Ok, and the following is a letter I got the other day that made my day:

From: Audrey Automatic
Date: Aug 29, 2005 6:37 PM

well i just want to let you know that i think you are one of the most awesome guys i have ever met or talked to and i genuinely mean that and i am so thankful that i have a person like you in my life. i mean not only are you funny and amazing, your also so supportive and i feel like i can tell you anything and i really like that feeling. Zach you are such an awesome person and i hope that nothing but the best comes to you because you deserve it. and i feel so happy for the girl you end up with becuase i know that you are going to treat her so great and i hope that you find a girl that will be just as amazing to you. and i know we havent known each other that long but i honestly feel like ive known you forever, and that you are one of the best frends i could ever ask for and again i am just so grateful that i have you in my life.
I hope that all your dreams come true because i can not think for a more amazing person then you. . .
forever and always

Yay for friends! But, um.. one thing, ladies.. I'm single and accepting applications if you think you can qualify to be "the girl."

Ok, I'm done being childish. Have a great day and go buy PLANS.

Yeah, I suppose there really is no emergency here, but it's the best line to open up a CD with, I think. Mmmm MUSE is good.

So, last night I came to the realization that I might never find peace until I die. As much as I want there to be peace in knowing that decisions made will be made for the right reasons and will just be made right period, I don't think I will find that peace. You see, with every choice made, there is always somehow something negative that can come of it.

Am I selfish? My parents seem to have me in the mind set in believing that I am. Perhaps I really am. Perhaps it's not selfishness, but perhaps it's just not wanting to help my family out? Is that wrong? Part of me wants to think so, but at the same time, part of me wants to rely on 2 Corinthians 6:14 - " Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"

Deana and I talked a little bit this afternoon. She was actually the one who hooked me up with that verse and her response to that verse was this, "Because your family is your family and you love them (which is good) you are probably unawareably yoked to them. Christ calls us not to, and if it took moving away to get the problem fixed then it's ok as long as you don't abandon your family forever and continue to spread your light to them."

I don't want to abandon my family at all. I just want to relocate to a place, into a community of believers, where I don't have to consistently be fighting for my rights. Hmm.. Rights.. We don't have any rights. Perhaps that's for another blog elsewhere. I'm tired of being consistently poked and pronged at trying to catch me when I fall as if to point and say, "Heh! You call yourself a Christian!" Well, all eyes on me now, I guess.

I want to find peace, guys. I've been praying for a peaceful decision for months now, but I can't find solace in any decision I make. Some decisions definitely make more sense than others though.

Ok, even on a different subject, I'm still finding myself unable to find peace in knowing what to do. Here's the situation:
I grew up going to Tomball UMC and I loved it, but I moved and realized just how dumb some things about the church were that I wouldn't have seen had I remained there. So, a couple of churches later, I'm now at Magnolia FBC. I really do dig it there. The environment, the community, everything is neat, however, all the people my age that I related to just left to college. I went to TUMC last week and Andy's mom, Ms. Peggy, asked me to chill with her in the college class. I was the only one in there for about 20 minutes or so, but I was more or less asked if I could maybe step up and take a roll of leadership in this class. Part of me really wants to jump and be counted and be like, "Dude, hecht yeah!" But another part of me doesn't want to commit at all.

It was kinda interesting how that came about because the day before, I went to Firehouse Music with Andy Gay and Josh Cook and I played this amazingly cool acoustic guitar that I really enjoyed. I began thinking about how I could use that for ministry in a way that I haven't really been able to do because of my two current guitars, one needs some repair and the other is my real mom's and I don't really want to take it out on the road or whatever and it also doesn't have a pickup. So, then Sunday comes around and I'm asked to be in a leadership position where I could really use that guitar.

So many doors. So many decisions. What's a man like me to do? I've got to give it all to God. It's been given to God. Can I wait forever? If I buy a plot of land and then just sit and pray for God to show me what to do with that land, unless he gives me a decision, that plot of land will just increase in overgrowth and will not be worth anything. However, if I take a step on my own and I plow the land and I seed it, it will be worth much.

Well, anyway.. Thanks for reading.
Blessings, grace and peace.
Zach

I don't have a clue, my friend. My mind is in a million different places and my body is anywhere between Spring, Magnolia, Tomball, and Montgomery. My heart is a message in a bottle waiting for some unsuspecting person to pick it up and read what's inside.

I have AMAZING friends. Can I just say that? I am blessed by every single one of you. Yes, even you, the unresponsive reader who just reads and never comments.. You too are a blessing! So, let me just say "Thanks!"

I'm growing increasingly irritated with this whole internet thing. Typing takes way too long and emotions are not rightly expressed. People die daily to the gods that the internet has only helped spread such as sex, lying, pride, anger, etc. MySpace is a wonderful thing, however, while it's an easy way to catch up with friends, family, and bands, it's also very good at showing people at their core. The internet is good at that. You can hide yourself in person. You can hide all your evil ways, but the internet reverses that if you let it. It brings out the evil ways and causes you to hide your "perfect" image, but "It's ok.. it's only MySpace."

It's actually a blessing and a curse that my job requires me to be on the internet so much. I love the guys I work with and I dig what Eleven2 stands for, but there are times when I just want to sit completely shut off from the world. That's hard for me to say cos I think that I at times I feel like I would die without the ability to talk to people around the world. I have met some amazing people/friends via the internet (as Joshua would say - "Dot Comrades",) but it really does sap a lot of time from the physical world. Even this journal takes up time. I don't know where I'm going with this.. Sorry.

Also, this week I said goodbye to the last of the people my age. They all went off to college. People I had grown close to and some I even grew up with are gone now. And all of my other friends are at school or college or whatever. So yeah... There's really nothing to do anymore. I think I want to go to the movies. I think I want to go walking through the city just being amazed at the complexities of it all. I think I want to share life with someone. I think I want to read a book (which I'm currently reading "It's all downhill from here" by Andrew Schwab. Good stuff.) I think I want to move out, if only for a little bit. I think I want to create music and play places. I think I want to stop typing and go home. Goodbye and thank you.

I think I need a
break from this lovely journal.
Don't cry. You'll be fine.

Much thanks to Shua, Austen, and Travis for attempting to fix the problem with the div tags. After growing frustration, I left the office and went to Mainstreet Crossing to relax and work in a bit more peaceful or laid back atmosphere. After a good hour or so, I found the problem and deleted the tag from hell that looked like this, "</div>"

I'd like to give Ronnie and Hilary & James major props for playing some awesome sets. Hopefully, I'll come up with something catchy enough to play there, but this poet can't seem to get words and music to mingle well.

I don't really have much else to say right now. Be on the lookout for some major changes w/ zachmcnair.com in the coming weeks.

I don't think the title is true. I just really like the line from Gone In 60 Seconds. Actually, last Thursday I went to Mainstreet Crossing in Tomball and while Andrew and I were standing outside, this stunningly gorgeous redhead walked out and was about to leave, she saw me, introduced herself, we chatted only for a brief moment and then she left. That was that.

I don't really have a point to this, but I wanted to at least begin to show you guys that things are looking up... Notice the colour change again? There ya go.

I wrote this yesterday morning. Perhaps it will be more than just poeticism.

i'm stuck here with a sense of suffering,
but it's my own doing.
i'm sorry i let you down.
i never meant to do you harm
or to tell you empty promises.

i've become wrapped up in myself so much
that i can't find the time to waste on you again.
i know what i ought to do,
but talking seems like a foreign task
and one not worth while.

i've given myself over to them,
those deceitful lies that plague my mind.
i never thought i'd be the one to trade happiness
for a heartless beating soul striving to find life again.

i know where you are,
and i know what i ought to do.
but i don't want to talk to you.

please, rescue me.
i'm lying in this grave that i've dug.
i don't want to die here alone.
i want to die in your arms
and wake in them safe and alive again

awaken this cold, cold, bitter soul.
i don't remember the first steps taken,
but i know where i've ended up,
still too afraid and still too hurt to find myself on my knees again.

i know in you there is peace,
and i know that in you there is solace,
but for months now i've grown too cold,
shivering 'til my teeth fall out.

i'm like a row boat cast out into the sea.
waves are striking, and i am sinking,
as water takes its place for a ride.
i'm hoping for dry land, or maybe just calmer waves
but what i need is you.

like jonah, you're calling me back to you.
reluctant and hurt i find myself wishing i was where you are.

i want to come back to you.
i want to share the bread and drink the wine.
if nothing else, i want communion with you, my saving grace.

The past three or four days I have felt numb or lifeless or just like life is passing me by while I'm desiring to find some sort of life. I suppose it really hit me last night while Andrew, Neil, and I were jamming out. Here I was in the middle of seeing music that I had written a while ago take a new form, something that should be really exciting for me, but I found myself just letting it pass by me. I definitely thought it was cool to see all that was happening, yet I couldn't bring myself to be too overly excited about it.

It's so annoying, being alive yet not truly breathing it in. I just can't seem to get it in my head that "Man, life has its downs, but look at what you have! You are blessed!" I don't know what I'm waiting for, if anything. I miss the days of old when I was simply in love with life and was grateful to God each day for everything. Saying "thank you" to him now just seems like habit.

I am reminded of Zach Braff's character, Andrew Largeman, in Garden State. There's this one scene that kinda displays how my life feels like. Basically, Andrew is sitting on a couch and while he's sitting there, there's music playing, a party is going on in front of him, and the frame rate seems to just go by so rapidly until everything is over with and he wakes up the next morning not able to grasp what happened last night.

Perhaps I'm waiting for a miracle, a morning when I wake up and I am excited to live, excited to be alive and breathing air again. I wish that would be this morning. I am surrounded by people everywhere I go, yet I am not so sure I have ever felt this alone before. I am void, without emotion other than the repressed, oppressed, and slightly bored and tired feelings I can't seem to get to leave me.

I don't know why this journal entry is valid at all. I know that this is just another trial that I'm facing and that I just have to continue relying on God, but still.. I want to love, I want to enjoy life, I want to worship God without thought, without the cares or the worries that fret me daily, without hindrance. I want to get lost in worship. I want my life to be one big song sung about God greatness and all that he has done in my life.

This was written by a repressed, oppressed, slightly bored and tired, and slightly hopeful individual. Aren't you happy you read this?

Today is a new day and a new way of being remembered. Go out and live no matter what life throws at you. I think it would be appropriate to post this because well, it fits...

"Breathing Air Again" - Robbie Seay
Take the time to start anew, maybe it's in front of you
Take the time to walk down your street, heaven knows who you might meet
Take the time to be okay, and laugh a bit along the way
Maybe you could take me for a ride, we could just drive all day

And breathe again
Step outside the front door
Gaze upon the stars
and know you're not alone
So run into the fields
Scream louder than you can
It's good to be alive
and breathing air again

Take the time to stop and stare, heaven's beauty everywhere
Take the time to think about someone else besides yourself
Take the time to be okay, and laugh a bit along the way
Maybe you could take me for a ride, we could just drive all day

As luck or life or destiny or whatever would have it, last night was a great night, today sucked, tomorrow is looking pretty sucky too, but then balance comes and Tuesday might just be found to be quite awesome.

Oh, and just so you know, this is one of those personal entries that you'll just skip because it isn't "smart" stuff. Eh, you'll live. Sorry, my sarcasm is brought on by my irritation... Please bear with me.

Friday was AMAZING! I was able to not only see Inhabited play, but I was able to hang out with them 'til 1:30am @ Wing Stop. It seriously was a lot of fun. For those of you who missed the concert, you might be fortunate enough to catch a video of it later, but I can't be possitive cos I really don't know. Oh, and I saw two people who I haven't seen in a couple of years - Kelsey Busby (whom I had java with earlier in the day) and Destiny Lieder (whom I saw at the Inhabited gig.)

Satuday was one of those days where there really is no morning. I slept 'til 12:30pm (the first time I've been able to do that in a long while.) I helped around the farm a little reluctantly, showered, and then went to work. I worked for a couple of hours, and then Andrew Gay called and asked me if I wanted to go see our buddies Josh Cook and Chris Montez play at Tree Line Golf Course. They put on quite a nice performance. I was impressed. After watching them, Andy and I went back to his house where we played guitar and talked about life, love, and God. It was awesome just getting real. It made me realize how much I am starving for God and starving for freedom. I feel like I have come to a point in my life where change needs to happen, yet again, like times before, I find myself afraid to offend, afraid to do things my way.

After getting home, I found myself getting into Philipians and reading the whole book. So amazing! There's definitely some meat in there for anyone with an open eye and open heart and mind.

By the time I finished, it was probably around 1:00-1:30a. I just wasn't content. God was tugging on my heart to do something, but what? After randomly (like the way most thing happen in my life) coming across a conversation that Lauren and I had a while back, I decided to write her an email. Yeah, that email definitely became a 2-3 hour project which consisted of about 2,500 words. That's more words than any essay I ever wrote in school. I am still amazed by this. I didn't even know I had the potential of writing that much in a single sitting. To help you out, 2,500 words is about five pages of writing (single spaced... yeah, I pulled the double-space thing in high school... it makes you look smart.)

Well, I woke up this morning (Sunday), and I went to church and went to Montgomery to feed that dogs. I was content with doing this. Well, I came home and my good day just turned totally upside down. It's 9:39p and I just want to puke or yell or something. I'm just tired of bearing the burden of "Family Business." I told Andrew last night that my home situation has just turned me from being happy and loving to being a complete jerk. I was driving down the road either last week or the week before and I found myself getting angry because somebody did something. Dude, I never get angry in times like those, but lately my implosiveness has found a way to be explosive. When I'm home, I feel like a building caving in. Instead of showing my anger, my frustration, my sadness, my pain to my family, I just suck it in, take my hits, and walk away. It's killing me. I want out. I always said that when I got out of high school that I would move out, but here I am still here. I don't want to be. As painful as I'm sure that is to some of the people who may read this, it's true.

The past four years have been more or less hell with glimpses of heaven. Where I am at is not what I can call home, it's just mearly a place with family that I can go to when I need to sleep and occasionally eat. Family.. What is that? For four years my "family" has made me two different people, my "family" has forced me to believe things I don't just so that I can please them, my "family" has placed or has built somewhere in me this seed of guilt that causes me to just bend to everything to please them, but I'm tired. It pains me to see that I'm writing this and within a few hours it will be posted for all to read, but I would be denying myself if I wasn't honest.

I almost feel like "family" died when my mom died. Sure, I have my dad and my sister, but they've converted to a life, to a family that is not my own. They have changed to better suit others and I can't do that. My mom was my best friend. I remember that she and I would lay in bed together every Thursday night and watch our favorite TV show, ER. I remember that she would attempt to teach me how to cook. I remember that I could tell her anything without ever feeling guilty or unwanted or anything.. it was just relaxing to talk to her. I wonder from time to time what life would be like if she were still around. Would I be happier? Would I have excelled a lot more in a lot of the areas of my life that I throughly enjoyed? Would I have such a resentment towards the farm life that I do now?

I don't know the answer to those questions. I do know that my future family will be one of love, it will be one that my wife and I build together and it will be built on the foundation of Christ. Anything built on the foundation of Christ is fail-safe, it is bound not to fall.

Anyway, tomorrow I have to wake up at 6:30a just so I can feed and clean stalls and then go to work. Oh, the joy. I do enjoy work. Travis and Rodney are two of the greatest guys in the world to work with. I don't enjoy the farm. Ironically enough, I'm sure I will want some acreage when I get older, but right now I want to move into the city or at least into some sort of community.

Tuesday's going to be good, though. A friend of mine who I haven't seen but once or twice since the Aberdeen, Scotland trip is going to meet me at IHOP for some breakfast. She's soon to be moving and so we thought it would be good to hang out before she left. It ought to be quite enjoyable.

Well, thanks for putting up with me. Maybe next time I'll have something with a little meat for you to chew on.

This is going to be amazing. You need to be there. Yes, you do!

A woman calls out in pain. She reaches out her hand for someone, anyone to grasp it. She begins to doubt, doubt in a thing called love. Time passes and she is ignored yet again. When does it stop? When will she be noticed? She begins to lose her hope. She sees no point in holding out much longer. Thoughts arise, plans come to action, and as she prepares to end it all, she writes a call to the world, a call for all to hear. Will anyone hear this cry, this plea for help?

This all hit too far home for me this past week. I met someone who could easily be that woman. And, man, it hurt me so much. She made her plea, her call to the world and so many people just passed it off like it was nothing, like she was just another EMO kid crying for attention. Well, she was crying, and who are we to say that that was wrong?

Sadly, this is nothing new. Jesus told a parable about a dude who was beat to the ground and left for dead. Two "Godly" people walked by, never stopping to help the man on the ground. After a while, a third person walked by, a person considered by all to be "unholy," picked up the man, got him some shelter, and though he had to go his own way, paid the innkeeper of the inn to take care of the guy.

Guys, this shouldn't be! It mustn't be! We are called to love no matter what, to love unconditionally. So, why is it that we only love when it's convenient? Did not Christ die out of his own free will because he wanted to? Because he loved us? So, why can't we show that same kind of love to others, even the ones who are hurting, who are broken, and those who we're afraid to talk to?

My word of encouragement is to seriously take the time to show some love, man. Life is too short to be self-centered. "Take the time and walk down the street, heaven knows who you might meet." Let go, be free of all that binds you. Christ is not binding, the world is. Go in love.. Go and love.

Haiku:
I like blue tonight.
I hope you like it as well.
Blue, I so dig you.

I was driving to work this morning and I wondering where I was. Not like, "Oh crap! What road do I take?" but more like "Ok, I've been just running and running and running and striving towards that old rugged cross, but somewhere along the way I started veering off the road and started making my own trail... totally getting off track. Where am I in these woods? There is no direction, no signs, nothing."

I don't think it really hit me until today, but it's like I've been living a complacent life, a life that just does the bare minimum in like every aspect. No matter how messed up my life gets, no matter how pissed off at myself, I can never seem to get myself to a place where I want to overachieve. I was more or less like this in high school. I figured that life was too great of a thing to waste on just doing school work. Sadly, it was like a vicious cycle. I would do work, then i'd not do as much, then I'd get an average grade, then I'd feel lame and disappointed, then I would just blow it off and be like, "oh well.. At least I passed."

I never noticed how this attitude was dwelling itself in every aspect of my life. My spiritual walk became a crawl in the wrong direction. Where I used to wake up and be like, "Dude, life is great... Hmm.. I think I'll get into the word this morning".. It became more like, "Suck! Another freaking day.. I just want to sleep.. What's that? I can't sleep any longer? Crap! FINE!" I became almost angered at the sight of a new day. I felt that I already knew that life wasn't good, so what's the point in trying to change it? I almost felt like a drunkard... The majority act dumb and/or angry, they don't really have a consciousness of it all, and they really don't care what their actions are doing. Although, with me, It's like, I cared, but I didn't know how to change it.

So, it kinda hit me how irresponsible I have been in a lot of aspects of my life. But it hit me how broken my life really has become. Man, here's a guy who used to love life, love God, and love his family and friends, but love doesn't just walk away, love doesn't ignore, love doesn't get easily angered, love is forgiving, love is hope to the hopeless, love is peace to the chaotic, love is the most important thing in life, and yet, here I am... not loving. Eh, I guess I'm considerate, I guess I'm still the person people can call at three in the morning to cry about their day or just say "hey. what's up," but it's been a long time since I've really gone OUT of my way to help people, to share signs of love.

I was blinded by my anger at life and by my anger towards me and my actions that I totally ignored how it was affecting people. I highly doubt many people noticed except those I live with, but yeah...

So, my encouragement to you and me is this - Get up, wake up, and live a life of love. Man, our Saviour died for us and we can't even find the time to talk to him, we can't find the time to read his word, we can't find the time to go out and share the love that he showed us... Man, we just need to open our eyes. My eyes are slowly being opened, my life is slowly finding the healing hand of Grace. God is great, guys. Let us not forget, it was he who bore the cross for our sins. We shouldn't be living complacent, boring, saddened, angered, or any other negative form of life. Life isn't all cookies and cream... The bible states that over and over, but nonetheless, God is good, and he never leaves us.

I have no clue if any of you need that at all, but that's something I needed to get out for my sake. I've been so numb and so complacent. The cause of my numbness is probably because of the silence experienced by my walking or running or crawling away from God. It's not so quiet here anymore. Not today, anyway. God awakened my soul this morning, and I am blessed that no matter how far I veer off the road, he's there.

That's all. Cheers.

Something Kacey and I were wondering a week or so ago is this, "Why is it that people are so different online than they are in person? In person they may be stiff as boards, but you get them online and they open themselves up and tell you like everything about their life."

Sadly, this is totally true. I find myself at fault all the time, but I consistently have to try to live my life the same now matter where I am. I think I am probably a little more "hopeless romantic" or "oh, wois me!" online, whereas in person I really don't talk about that type of stuff. I don't know why that is. I am probably a bit more intellectual online (as this journal tends to prove). I know that Catie and I both noticed that while we talked a bit on the phone and were real when we talked in person, things were much deeper in the internet world. It's a sad state we're in, guys. We're called to go out and spread the news, the Gospel, but we don't. We hide our faith, hide our emotions when we're w/ people, but then in a place where all of that doesn't matter and no one really listens to you anyway, then we share our lives, sometimes even our deepest, darkest secrets.

Man, this isn't just about internet, but love and the lack of it we share. I think we, as Christians, people who are supposed to be known as people who are loving, people who are kind, find ourselves too caught up in things like TV and the internet that we truly lose sight of what's important. Man, we're shutting ourselves off from the world. We're called to "take to the world." We need to go out and love guys. We shouldn't hold back. We need to be honest in person just like we are in this little internet cubby box.

So, my encouragement is this, go out, find a few friends, and just go out and enjoy life in a way you've never done before. Go out to an empty field, go walking on a beach, go find random people in the city to talk to, offer to help the the old lady cross the street... whatever it is, man, just go out and "take to the world." Don't hold back from telling people you love them and expressing that in every way possible. That is all.

I don't have much to say, but I will say this - I am thankful for you, and all the other people who have made an effect on my life. Without you, there's no telling where or who I'd be. So, again.. Thank you!

I suppose I could conjure up some piece of wordage to express the week thus far. Well, for starters, in the last couple of days I have created new desktops. One deals with sin and how when we sometimes find ourselves caught up in it so much that we don't care, but after everything is said and done, the regret and the Truth comes to bite us in the butt, and we are ashamed. You can't get away from sin... In the end, it'll catch up to you.

The second desktop deals with hope, love, and peace. I think all too often we allow ourselves to get lost in life and it's hold on us, but when we take a step back and see that none of it is in our hands, then we can find true peace, we can feel loved again, and we can find hope to carry on.

Do you ever feel like you're afraid to do something because of what others might think? Sadly, I think we all do. My parents have me on this like guilt trip. It's like I consistently feel like I shouldn't want to go hang out w/ my friends cos I spend "too much time away from home." It sucks, man. It's like... Ok, have you ever asked your parent something and they are like, "Yeah, I guess you can go hang out" yet you know that they really don't want you to? My parents play that on me all the time. And then the whole "all the kids look up to you" thing drives me nuts. Man, that would be cool if the kids were a little more like me. But seriously, I'm told what I can wear and how I wear it, I'm told when I should listen to music and when I shouldn't, and like all this stuff. It drives me nuts. 18 years old and I feel like I'm 7. You won't hear me rag on my family that much, but today's just one of those days. Yay for the black sheep in the family!

Well, I'm off to write the post that I didn't write the other day because I couldn't remember what I was going to write about. Oh, and find laughter here. Go on... Jesus would want you to!

I hope you're ready for a long but good read cos you're going to get one. To help you pass time a little easier, go grab yourself a nice snack, a drink, and get a tune or two rolling. Here we go:

Well, this past week was quite a rush, but one that I would gladly do all over again. I suppose the thing that took the majority of my time was working with Travis on Inhabited's Enhanced CD website which you will get to see if you go buy Inhabited's CD, "The Revolution," which releases on Tuesday. I've been given the chance to listen to the whole thing quite a few times... er.. rather just get a prerelease of it, and I must say that it is a great buy. It is bound to knock your socks off!

I don't think I did really anything exciting at all this past week other than work. Work consumed a good bit of my time. On Saturday, however, I was able to go to the Galleria with Catie. We noticed two things.. Ok, maybe we noticed more than that, but one of the things that we noticed is that Houston has a lot of funny things and definitely a lot of funny people in it. We were a good 300 ft. from the entrance of the Galleria when this car pulls right beside us and then right in front of us so that he can get in our spot. Ugh.. Ok.. That made no sence. Alright, well, we were in the turn lane ready to turn into the Galleria when this car full of guys pulls right in at an angle so that i couldn't go anywhere, their rear was sticking out in the next lane, and there really was nothing to do but laugh. Then matters got even better. The four guys that were inside of the car saw some ladies walking by and they preceded to roll down the windows and shout, "Hey mammas!" Ah, yes... great stuff.

Well, after our little driving expedenture, we went in and walked round in search of the Apple store. We eventually found it and preceded to be in awe of all the fancy stuff Apple has to offer. After talking to one of the "geniouses," we went to get a drink to quench our thirst. Gotta love fountain drinks, man. Anyway, then It was my turn to follow her. So, I followed her to this clothing store for women where we debated on taking our drinks in or not. We did take them in. Catie picked out a shirt and then we headed out. It was quite a blast, but the best part was the fact that her dad took the pleasure of converting her little Ford Ranger into a lowriding something or another. He put who knows how much dirt in the bed, but it was definitely a sight to see.

After dropping Catie off, which I'm still shocked that she trusted me after all, she's been driving way longer.. well, not way, but definitely longer than I have. Anyway, after dropping her off, I went to Montgomery and then headed over the Rancho Grande to have dinner with the family. It wasn't too bad, but having Mexican food like 5 times in a week gets old.

So Sunday rolled around. I went to Tomball UMC and caught up with some of the jokers there. After church, Josh Cook and I went to Taco Bell (4th time in a week) and had good food and had a good time. It was nice just hanging out. He and I hadn't done that in um... ever? So yeah, Josh.. thanks buddy!

Well, tonight.. er.. Last night I was blessed to have a pretty long conversation with Morgan (one of the TUMCers and good friend), and yeah.. It's cool when people see something about yourself that you can't see.
Here's what she said:
i think you're one of the nicest guys i know, that must be why i'm always excited to see you! you really can soo obviously see christ shining in you, and it's really just awesome it's like when i look at you, you can just tell that you're living for God and you just don't quite care what others think of that. you love everyone and you're so easy to be anyone's friend. like in your website everything you write is really awesome and i think about how sometimes when i say things or write things i know people will read. the thought of "what will people think of this" is usually in the back of my head.

I suppose that's just something I've struggled with. Why can others see something in me that I can't see myself? I suppose it works with other people too. Maybe that's just one of those things that if we knew how others saw us, then we'd be prideful and arrogant, but since we don't know, then we are forced to keep pressing on or to give up. Like in terms of faith, I know that if I knew I was alright, then I would slack off and not do anything and not really care about my faith, but like because I don't know, then I am forced to press on towards the Goal... We don't know what tomorrow will bring, so let's live our lives like there is no tomorrow. Let our faith be bold, let our lives be transparent, and let God be the center and foremost in our lives.

Well, there was a little intellectualism. So, I was talking to Kacey today and like we discussed some stuff that really would have been a great journal entry, but I can't remember what it was to say my life thus you don't get anything cool to read today.

Um.. This week's also going to be crazy, but that's because there is a long list of people to hang out with. Some of these people I haven't seen in years and others I haven't seen in months. So, it really ought to be fun. Well, that's all for now. Thanks for reading. Have a good night.

Dear dialup users, I'm sorry that you have dialup, but my prayer is that you find solace somewhere to escape the pain. Anyway, I created a nice mix of stuff that has been playing a lot over the course of the month. It has everything that your heart could possibly want for the month of July.
To download, just right-click and click "save as."

Track listing:
1. I Might Be Wrong - Radiohead
2. Swallowed In The Sea - Coldplay
3. Lost At Sea - Eisley
4. We Laugh Indoors - Death Cab For Cutie
5. Pin Your Wings - Copeland
6. Big Brat - Phantom Planet
7. Destination Anywhere - Sugarcult
8. Paradise - the Panic Division
9. How Great (Direct From Satellite City) - David Crowder Band
10. Anniversary Of An Uninteresting Event - Deftones
11. After You're Gone - Blindside
12. And Then, Came Then - The Chariot
13. Mother of God - Patty Griffin
14. We Come To You - Derek Webb
15. Thicker - Chasing Furies
16. I'm So Sick - Flyleaf
17. Incomplete Is A Leech - As Cities Burn
18. DOA - Foo Fighters

Here she is:
July's Lovely Mix

So, here I sit in the office of Eleven2, a place where magic happens, and the rain really is falling. It's a beautiful thing, but also I can't help but think of something theological about it all. So, here I go:

Today is another day that will go down in history. We all woke up this morning to the sounds of radios buzzing and televisions screeching that London was once again at a lost. We woke to the news that bombs went off, that people died, that people were injured, that people killed people. To the majority of us, we'll pass it off like we did 9-11. In fact, if you're like most of the people, including me, you took a few seconds to think about it, maybe say a little prayer, and then you moved on. JERKS!

I suppose I was feeling this way 'til it came closer to home. My friend, Lyn, sent me a riviting letter about how she woke up this morning to the sound of the radio buzzing that London had been attacked. She immediately ran to her mom in concern. It wasn't just any attack, her dad was in London. It hit her real close to home. After many attempts to get in touch, they couldn't, but they waited, and waited strong. A few minutes later they get news that her dad is alright and that he left about an hour and a half before the attacks.

I can't help but think of God's good grace in the midst of sorrow. While many weren't fortunate enough to live another day or to share the love of family, friends, etc.. one more day, She was just like the 7 billion of us others who still have our lives to be thankful for. My heart really does go out to those people in London and their friends and families. I know quite a few people in that area. I'm sure that there is mad chaos going on in their souls.

One of the things that Lyn stated plainly though was this - God is always in control. So true. Think about Job when he lost everything, or when Peter walked on water and ended up falling, reaching out for Christ to save him. God is in control. I'm sure this instance will bring people, once again, closer to the fold of God, and I'm sure that in just a little time, they'll forget about him again. But for now, while you're still a little shaken up, remember God is a great God and he is always in control. ... Yes, even during the times you don't want him to be.

It's interesting how mistakes are viewed as the epitome of evil. True, they are mistakes, and mistakes aren't usually good to make, but we are human.. We're going to make them. I think too many people get caught up in the "Oh God! I just screwed up big time! There's no way out of this, there's no forgiveness, there's nothing." Shouldn't mistakes be looked at as way to learn, a way to grow, a way to get back up again?

A girl who promises herself that's she's going to wait 'til marriage before she has sex ends up having sex and maybe she becomes pregnant.. maybe she doesn't. Moments after that mountain of excitement fades, she lays there dead in her disbelief, her anguish, he desire to take everything back - she can't. So many of us would shun her, so many of us would point and laugh or just simply walk in the opposite direction. Guys, this isn't love. Love is caring for a person no matter how wrongly they have screwed up their lives. We are called to love unconditionally.

For that girl, when she really needs to be embraced, loved, and comforted, we simply exchange love for "better things." We're jerks. A mistake was made, and though it was wrong, there is a level of grief that no one should be made to feel alone.

Now, don't get me wrong... There is a difference between a mistake and a habitual or reoccurring instances in which there is no remorse. If that girl had had no remorse, no regrets, and she wasn't seeking forgiveness or anything, then why should she be embraced for living in sin? But if that girl falls and is repentant, is regretful, then she should not bear this weight alone.

I'm not just talking about girls who have sinned or made a mistake, but while we're talking about mistakes in the sense of sins, let's make it a little more personal for the guys.. Let's give the girl's a little prospective too. If a guy falls victim to the struggle, battle, whatever of lust and he unwantingly finds himself in the hold... He should also be embraced, loved, and comforted if he is repentant and regretful. He needs someone, just like the girl, to help him get up and get through.

But are all mistakes sins? I don't think all mistakes are sins. Obviously, spilling a plate of spaghetti on the kitchen floor isn't a sin. So, now that we know that not all mistakes are sins, let's get back to the topic of the matter. ...And to quote Batman Begins - "Why do we fall? To learn to get up again." That's what a mistake is, guys. A mistake is a fall, but it's so much more than that. A mistake is a teacher, a persistent push to not do the same mistake twice, and it's something made by everyone.

So, the next time you or someone you know makes a mistake, don't shun it, but embrace it. Look at it as a way of learning. God allows mistakes to mature us. So, let us mature together because we are bound to make mistakes and we are bound to fall sometimes.

To the women out there, I apologize on behalf of society. We have built you to be heartless, careless, broken, and alone. You take no pride in yourself anymore because there is no one that cares anyway. You figure that you are not noticed just as you are thus you sell yourself out to the lust of men. For that, I'm sorry.

It's something that has bugged me for a long time but it finally struck a nerve today. If you take a look back, there was a time when women took pride in the way they looked. They would always make sure that they dressed appropriate and that they dressed well. Well, as time passed, society became bored with women just wearing clothing. Society decided that women needed to wear less in order to be seen, to be taken notice of. Society took what was beautiful and made it ugly and stone cold.

I am quite saddened by what I see. Today, Austen had some chick on his myspace account who, when he accepted her, she looked like a normal, down to earth, beautiful woman, but she had changed her picture, and the picture of her quite opposite of what he thought she was. She was practically nude from the naval up. I was intrigued.. I wanted to know why someone would decide to go from being clothed to hardly dressed. So, I began to read her info to find out that she couldn't.. er.. rather wanted to make more money doing this "softcore" shooting as they call it.

I began to think of all the other beautiful women out there who gave up the fight to be modest, to be beautiful. A person who has come to mind a lot is Jessica Simpson. Here's a woman who's dad was a pastor, who thought about being a missionary, who loved God with everything, but then fame and success came knocking on her door, calling her out to play. Her first cd was quite innocent and clean. A lot of the songs had to do with God in one way or another, she quoted scripture in the thank you's, and she dressed modestly. Well, my friends, in just a little while, you will see her as one of the worlds bigger sex symbols. The movie, "Dukes of Hazzard," will feature Jessica as one of the lead characters, wearing nothing but a tank top and the shortest of shorts you can probably get.

It's not just the famous, but even women I have passed in the hallways in school. Some of the school's most beautiful women were often some of the school's biggest partiers, skanks, drunks, and druggies. The had no respect for themselves and no respect for others. Talking to a brink wall was better than talking to them most of the time. But in the midst of those who looked beautiful on the outside, there were few women who I really could call beautiful. These women on the outside were beautiful, maybe not model quality, but they were beautiful. But on top of that, they had more on the inside - they were beautiful on the inside. Every pour leaked of joy, love, passion, beauty. They had a vibrance (not a word) that none of the others had.

I began taking notice of what it was about the truly beautiful that really made them beautiful. They were unique, they weren't sold out to the world, they took pride in themselves because they knew that they had been given a gift and they must protect it. But they were also humble, down to earth, and they had warm, beating hearts - hearts that cared, hearts that truly loved.

So, I guess the point I am trying to make is this, women, no matter how young or old you are, you are not your own. You are the creation of an amazing artist. He didn't intend you to sell his masterpiece to lust of men, to the lust of the world. Where society is telling you to fall into the love of sex, drugs, profanity, prostitution, etc.. You are different, you can be different. Don't fall into the belief that you need to wear next to nothing to be noticed. It's not the people who notice you when you are nude or next to it that will truly know how to love you, they just look for ways please their eyes. True love will see you as beautiful when you are well dressed, when you are yourself and not who others want you to be. If you ever doubt your beauty, remember that you were created by God and he has yet to create anything less than beautiful. Rise above society; revolt! You are now free.

My prayer is for you to find satisfaction, peace, and a sense of worth. You mean more than just 800 numbers and xxx's. More than empty words, you mean something more.

This week has been quite interesting to say the least. So, to bring a little personal life back into the journal, I'm going to tell you all that happened. Are you ready for it? No? Well, too bad. Grab yourself a Snickers and a seat cos you're going to need it.

I don't really remember Monday or Tuesday. Oh, wait.. yeah, I remember Monday. Ok, so after work, I had some ice cream with a friend of mine named Allison. After the ice cream, I went to best buy where I traded in a computer cable for a Copeland CD. What a good buy! Then I went home. See.. Not all that eventful. Sorry.

On Tuesday, Marcus, Rodney, and I ate some killer Mexican food, chatted quite a bit, and enjoyed the sights and sounds of a poor young chap celebrating his birthday. Poor fella, I hope you didn't get sick from that whip cream up your nose cos I definitely did when I was younger.

Wednesday was more of a shock to me, however. The day went as planned for the most part. I woke up, helped everyone at the barn, showered, went to work, and went to church. Well, the thing that makes this most interesting is the fact that when I got to church, James came up to me and was like, "Uh, hey dude.. Do you want to lead worship tonight?" I was taken back for one of two reasons... Ok, maybe three. (1) No one at MFBC has heard me sing, (2) No one at MFBC has heard me play guitar except for James, and (3) I haven't played any worship stuff since FCA (in May). So, I said yes. In 10 minutes I went from walking in to leading worship. Talk about having to have some serious faith and some serious readiness to learn humility, cos um... I learned it all again.

I played the night away, sat down, and later was surrounded by all these people who said that I did a fabulous job. I felt like saying, "Eh.. you bunch of liars!" I didn't sound that great, guys. But, thank you to those of you who complimented me. Thank you for listening and singing along.

Oh, and on Wednesday, after the surrounding of Zach McNair, I was able to breathe. It felt nice to breathe. But no, really.. I talked to a chick, lady, young woman, whatever.. I talked to Megan some at church. She goes to Magnolia Bible church, but decided to drop by and hang out with the FBC crowd. I met her over the city-wide camp, Game Over, that MFBC hosted in March. She's quite a funny person! There's never a dull moment when Megan is around. So, I finally mustered up the courage to get her contact info and we found ourselves being up late on the horrid AIM talking about my "Prostitution of Love" post. It was sheer fun indeed.

Thursday saw me in the strangest of places. I woke up, helped around the farm, went to work, worked, then went to Houston to find the Galleria, never found the Galleria, but I did give myself a nice tour of the city. I think I drove through part of the slums too cos there was a huge cloud of reifer smoke in the air.. I am not kidding. I drove through it and since my a/c doesn't work, I just had to bear it. I thought I was done with the smell of marajuana when I graduated from school, but I guess some people never grow up. So, after that nice 3 hour trek of driving and getting nowhere I get to Neil's. Andy, Neil, and I preceded to enjoy nice conversations of beautiful blonde cooks, dreams of one day ruling the world with our mad music skillz (not really), Andy's addiction to Halo, good food, and finally - good music. After much conversation, we preceded to put our skills to use and picked up our instruments and commenced rock. Quite nifty! We broke out a kickin' version "Give Us Clean Hands" and then we preceded to combine a couple of songs on my website, turning them into one. Pure genius.

After we played our wonderful tunes, we took photos. We discovered that somehow Neil always had this glow around him. Andy and I thought that maybe he was Jesus after he told us he couldn't remember our names so we couldn't be accounted for sins. (You'll understand once I post the link to the Jesus videos.. it's funny.)

Friday comes around. I leave Neil's. I got home, helped out a bit, and babysat. That was pretty much the extent of my day. Oh, and while talking to a few people, I discovered (well, I've known it for a while, but further proved my point) that Emmy Rossum (Phantom of the Opera, The Day After Tomorrow) is not only beautiful, but she is one of the few actresses out there much less women who can stand out in a crowd. What do I mean by this? Simply this, She's just a few months older than me, but at our age, especially in the entertainment industry, our culture tells us to wear the sluttiest or the most horrific clothing out there, to not respect ourselves or others, and to just sell ourselves out. Well, so far, where TV stars such as the Olsen twins, Lindsey Lohan, and Hillary Duff have more or less just handed their lives over in exchange for popularity and money, Miss Emmy Rossum stands out. She holds on to class, humility, and she respects herself and others. She doesn't have to dress trashy to be seen. Where most guys will just pass her by, I am sure, or at least I hope, I'm not the only one who has taken notice of someone rare.

So, ladies, desire to be different. Desire to stand out! Though the crowd that takes notice of you may be smaller, they will be the ones that respect you. Have no fear in difference.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this... Now I'm off to write another entry. Enjoy.

I want to thank you all for reading my posts. I had quite a lot of compliments on "The Prostitution of Love." It actually surprised me, but once again.. Thank you so much for being part of all of this. Yes, you're a part of this.

I've hit on this so many times, but it's something that I think we tend to overlook. I know I am guilty of such a thing. My heart seems to give itself out to anyone or anything that will take it whereas my mind is like, "Dude, you know this will be bad." I am guilty of selling myself out for a small fee. I sell myself to various things such as music, clothes, popularity, owning things, movies, the hope of falling in love, and the list could go on.

Somewhere along the line we have lost the validity of love. We've dumbed it down, we've given it away, we've prostituted it out for small, meaningless things. For a while I got into a place of mind where I wouldn't say "I love ____" because it became painfully obvious that in more cases than not, I didn't love. I love the way that Christ talks about love. He says that the love we have now looks like hate compared to the love that we're supposed to have for him. I once heard a speaker say that after he married his wife, he actually went to one of his previous girl-friends whom he had said "I love you." to, and he bluntly said, "When I said I loved you, I didn't really. In fact, the love I have now compared to the love I had for you made the love I had for you look like hate."

I don't have the guts, and I don't think I will ever be that cold, but man, it's so true. It makes me sad when I say "I love this band." or "I love this or that." I'm loving things that can't love me back. We are people. We're supposed to love people. Amazing concept, I know. Don't find yourself loving things that can't love you back.

Something I have expressed to a few people is that on a different level, I find myself prostituting love. It sucks. It drives me mad, at times. My persistent desire of having a g/f, my hopelessness finds me giving myself away to almost anyone that will take me. It's more or less a heart vs. mind matter, and in this case my mind is smarter than my heart. It is so sad that I often find myself not being able to be just friends with someone of the opposite sex because my heart is wanting more. I suppose it's all a fear matter. It's the fear of being alone, yet on top of that fear, there is a fear of being together with someone who won't respect me or someone who won't love me back or won't have enough in common with me.

I know I'm not hopeless, but my heart tells me different. So, let that be clear, I am not a hopeless romantic, though that's what most would classify me as. I believe there is hope out there. One day I'll find the love of another. Who knows? Maybe I'll love many times before I find "the one" and maybe I will only have to love once. I don't know the plans that God has for my life.

I know that on a spiritual level, I sell myself out to all the other petty things, things such as relationships, music, movies, etc. when I should sell myself out to God and God alone. He is supposed to be our first love. And in a sense, he is supposed to be our only love for his love will not fail, his love will not fade away, his love never dies. If we put anything in front of God, if we sell ourselves out to other things, then they become our idols, our fake, plastic gods.